Bad Idea Jeans

Please tell me more about how your four year old nephew is the most important person in the world to...

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 17:17:06 -0500

Please tell me more about how your four year old nephew is the most important person in the world to you. That’s so interesting. I’d appreciate it if you’d post more blurry pictures of half-eaten pumpkin pie and your ugly dog as well. Oh, you’re really full from eating dinner? That’s crazy! Me too!

Happy fucking Tumblrgiving, everybody. Is it over yet?

It’s just not a major holiday in my family’s house unless one TV is blasting one of the...

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 23:15:07 -0500

It’s just not a major holiday in my family’s house unless one TV is blasting one of the Godfather movies and another is blaring Bond.

Last night I found myself air-Guitar-Heroing. This is perhaps...

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 14:39:08 -0500

Last night I found myself air-Guitar-Heroing. This is perhaps the saddest air “instrument” of all.

Other than the air triangle, of course.

Sign that I am in my hometown: there is absolutely NO ONE in this bar I want to fuck.

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 03:00:52 -0500

Sign that I am in my hometown: there is absolutely NO ONE in this bar I want to fuck.

Perhaps my standards are not very high but it’s cold out and I need someone to keep my feet...

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 03:24:06 -0500

Perhaps my standards are not very high but it’s cold out and I need someone to keep my feet warm under the covers. Someone who’s not opposed to squealing loudly when my feet press up against theirs. And then, maybe, squealing loudly over other things later…. when my feet are much warmer.

Also, it would be nice if you were smoking hot.

It’s a damn shame there aren’t more holidays that involve time spent with family, little...

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 01:25:01 -0500

It’s a damn shame there aren’t more holidays that involve time spent with family, little to no commercialism and stuffing your face. A goddamn travesty.

I will consider it a good day off when my most pressing decision is whether a trip to the mailbox to...

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 18:02:01 -0500

I will consider it a good day off when my most pressing decision is whether a trip to the mailbox to see if I have new Netflix is worth getting out of my pajamas for.

I think I’m single because I sleep diagonally. Ain’t nobody gonna put up with that...

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:06:55 -0500

I think I’m single because I sleep diagonally. Ain’t nobody gonna put up with that shit.

A moment of seriousness. I am getting a little tired of women who think proudly wearing the...

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 03:35:00 -0500

A moment of seriousness. I am getting a little tired of women who think proudly wearing the “bitch” hat is a sign of independent thought and separates them from other women. It doesn’t. It just shows you’re trying too hard and being “bitchy” is the easiest way to be unique and memorable (and, in some weird fucking way, “attractive”)… which, of course, makes no sense.

There is an inordinate amount of people using Facebook status messages to proclaim their love for...

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 21:34:14 -0500

There is an inordinate amount of people using Facebook status messages to proclaim their love for their significant other. These people are known as “annoying shits.”

danhacker: Bird dung crab spider It’s not crap, it’s actually...

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 17:32:37 -0500

danhacker:

Bird dung crab spider

It’s not crap, it’s actually a spider in disguise. Proving yet again to never trust spiders since they are ninjas of the insect kingdom.

I think a Shit Spider totally deserves my first “reblog.” Of all the things nature could decide to have a species disguise itself as, it came up with feces. This just blew my mind. Can evolution be that far from bringing us the Vomit/Beer can tiger, which stalks its prey in frat houses and stadium parking lots?

When I die and they bury me, I hope someone tucks my left hand into my waistband. I want to be...

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 14:53:34 -0500

When I die and they bury me, I hope someone tucks my left hand into my waistband. I want to be comfortable.

My right under-eyelid is twitching and it’s kind of cool. Making a twitchy stink-eye in the...

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 03:11:53 -0500

My right under-eyelid is twitching and it’s kind of cool. Making a twitchy stink-eye in the mirror. I’m kind of enjoying it. That’s weird right? It’s like, when I was younger, I used to like getting the spins while drinking. My own personal tilt-a-whirl. That’s fucking weird, right?

I have an implanted microchip that, when activated, requires me to seek out and kill those who...

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:45:31 -0500

I have an implanted microchip that, when activated, requires me to seek out and kill those who continuously type “tounge.”

Just so you know, the pick-up line “You look great in that hospital gown but it’d look...

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:40:26 -0500

Just so you know, the pick-up line “You look great in that hospital gown but it’d look better on my floor in the morning” really shouldn’t work.

Already two masturbation jokes. Not off to a good start. Not at all.

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:34:00 -0500

Already two masturbation jokes. Not off to a good start. Not at all.

Did you know it’s impossible to be angry while eating kittens? It’s true.

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:32:06 -0500

Did you know it’s impossible to be angry while eating kittens? It’s true.

Anybody else masturbate to the puppycam? No? Just me? Fine then.

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:32:00 -0500

Anybody else masturbate to the puppycam? No? Just me? Fine then.

It’s either this or watching more porn. And my wrist is getting tired.

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:18:28 -0500

It’s either this or watching more porn. And my wrist is getting tired.