It’s not crap, it’s actually a spider in disguise. Proving yet again to never trust spiders since they are ninjas of the insect kingdom.
I think a Shit Spider totally deserves my first “reblog.” Of all the things nature could decide to have a species disguise itself as, it came up with feces. This just blew my mind. Can evolution be that far from bringing us the Vomit/Beer can tiger, which stalks its prey in frat houses and stadium parking lots?
When I die and they bury me, I hope someone tucks my left hand into my waistband. I want to be comfortable.
My right under-eyelid is twitching and it’s kind of cool. Making a twitchy stink-eye in the mirror. I’m kind of enjoying it. That’s weird right? It’s like, when I was younger, I used to like getting the spins while drinking. My own personal tilt-a-whirl. That’s fucking weird, right?
I have an implanted microchip that, when activated, requires me to seek out and kill those who continuously type “tounge.”
Just so you know, the pick-up line “You look great in that hospital gown but it’d look better on my floor in the morning” really shouldn’t work.
Already two masturbation jokes. Not off to a good start. Not at all.
Did you know it’s impossible to be angry while eating kittens? It’s true.
Anybody else masturbate to the puppycam? No? Just me? Fine then.
It’s either this or watching more porn. And my wrist is getting tired.
