Please tell me more about how your four year old nephew is the most important person in the world to...
Nov 28th
It’s just not a major holiday in my family’s house unless one TV is blasting one of the...
Nov 28th
Listen
Last night I found myself air-Guitar-Heroing. This is perhaps the saddest air...
Nov 27th
Sign that I am in my hometown: there is absolutely NO ONE in this bar I want to fuck.
Nov 27th
Perhaps my standards are not very high but it’s cold out and I need someone to keep my feet...
Nov 26th
It’s a damn shame there aren’t more holidays that involve time spent with family, little...
Nov 26th
I will consider it a good day off when my most pressing decision is whether a trip to the mailbox to...
Nov 25th
I think I’m single because I sleep diagonally. Ain’t nobody gonna put up with that...
Nov 24th
A moment of seriousness. I am getting a little tired of women who think proudly wearing the...
Nov 24th
There is an inordinate amount of people using Facebook status messages to proclaim their love for...
Nov 23rd
danhacker:
Bird dung crab spider
It’s not crap, it’s...
Nov 22nd
When I die and they bury me, I hope someone tucks my left hand into my waistband. I want to be...
Nov 22nd
My right under-eyelid is twitching and it’s kind of cool. Making a twitchy stink-eye in the...
Nov 22nd
I have an implanted microchip that, when activated, requires me to seek out and kill those who...
Nov 22nd
Just so you know, the pick-up line “You look great in that hospital gown but it’d look...
Nov 22nd
Already two masturbation jokes. Not off to a good start. Not at all.
Nov 22nd
Did you know it’s impossible to be angry while eating kittens? It’s true.
Nov 22nd
Anybody else masturbate to the puppycam? No? Just me? Fine then.
Nov 22nd
It’s either this or watching more porn. And my wrist is getting tired.
Nov 22nd